The Big Day

Good morning.  Today we're 41 weeks and 3 days.

I've phoned the hospital and we're all systems go.  So in about two hours we'll begin the process of bringing our baby boy to the outside world.

I'm better now than I was yesterday, but I'm still scared.  I think it's the unknown.  I know everything will be great, but it's just the zillion worries I have running through my head.

Wish us luck!

Plan B?

Soooo, I've been doing some thinking.  It wasn't until after my appointment, and my last post, that I started to really question the early induction.  And then once I asked a question it was like the floodgates opened.  All of a sudden I had people all around me supporting my questioning.

After a lot more research, picking people's brains, and self-searching, we've decided on a newer plan.

If Bubby has not arrived on his own by Sunday evening but is still moving well, I will call the hospital at my assigned time and postpone the induction.  I have a regular doctor's appointment set up for Monday morning.  I will go through the fetal heart and contraction monitoring, the ultrasound, and another cervical check.  If there is still nothing happening in the labor department that is my uterus, I will reschedule the induction and go through with it.

I feel good about this decision and so does my body.  I would love to go into labor naturally but I know it's not always in the cards for everyone.

So that's the new plan.  For now at least.

The Plan, Stan

Man, apparently my listening skills are off.  Yesterday was more than a quick doctor's appointment.  It was good I had nothing else going on--I was there almost 2 hours.

Per usual, I had my blood pressure checked and had to step on the scale.  My blood pressure was 150 something over some other ungodly high number.  The only other time my BP has been high was due to operator error.  When she took my BP this time it really hurt.  She had the cuff up really high on my arm and she had it really tight from the get go.  She said she'd take it again a little later, which she did and it was totally normal.

Then I got to relax in a recliner while they did fetal monitoring for 20 minutes.  They had the heart monitor on baby and the contraction monitor on me.  I assured her I was having no contractions.  And according to the machine, I was right.

Since baby's heart rate was good and the contractions were absent, I moved on to Ultrasound.  Here they were checking the fluids, heart rate again, and some other things.  But again, everything was great.

Finally it was on to see the doctor.  The nurse that took me back asked, again, if I'd be interested in that complimentary cervical check.  To which I again declined...only to have the doctor come in a bit later and so, no way, you're getting it today.

I believe she said I was 1-2 cm, 50% effaced, and softened.  I really don't know what that means other than the dilation.

But now we have a new plan. I return Thursday for a repeat of these tests--minus the cervical exam.   If all is good then I get to play wait and see...until Sunday that is.  If by Sunday baby boy has not arrived, I will be checking into the hospital to begin the induction process.

So that's the story.

I was warned yesterday that the cervical exam may cause some spotting and that it did.  And cramps.  I feel like it's that time of the month.  Although, it wasn't bad enough to keep me awake at night.  I got a good 8 or 9 hours of sleep last night.

Now, I have some laundry to attend to.

40 Weeks, 1 Day

I have now officially passed my due date.  But no big deal.  I'm in no hurry for him to get here--keeping him in longer will make sure he's fully ready.  Plus, I'm still trying to enjoy "me" time.  Every time I go somewhere I make sure to appreciate it.  I know life is about to forever change.

Today, in a couple of minutes, I'm heading back in for my 40 week appointment.  I think it's a standard appointment but then on Thursday they'll check for any signs of distress, loss of fluid, etc and go from there.

But for now, I'm still comfortable--much to the dismay of anyone who asks.

"You look like you're ready to pop.  When are you due?"
"Yesterday."
"Oh jeez, I bet you're miserable!"
"Nope, doing just great thanks."
"::wide eyes::"

39 1/2

I went in for my 39 week appointment and everything is still going well.  I'm still sporting cankles, despite the cooler weather we've had, bubby's heartbeat was 156 today, my blood pressure still good.

I did decline the cervical check because really, what will that do for me?  So they tell me I'm dilated to 2 cm...I could stay there for 2 more weeks!  No thanks.

The plan of action if baby does not arrive by Monday is to return to the doctor's office Monday afternoon.   Routine appointment, I think.  But then if still no baby we return to the doctor on Thursday for a Non Stress Test, ultrasound, and cervical exam.  Then we'll go from there.

This is all still seeming very surreal.  I know the moment I see him I will fall head over heels for him, but I think there's a lot of self-preservation going on in my brain.  I know he exists but it's not totally real yet.

Thanks to my wonderful friend Jody, I have a birth plan.  I had the hubs read it over the other night and he thought I was being too particular.  I had to explain to him if I didn't say what I wanted, I might get talked into something I really don't want.  I'm glad that I'll have it with me.

So, there you have it.  39 weeks and still going strong.

Camera One, Camera Two

37 Weeks pregnant.

7 Weeks pregnant. 

Little different.

36 Weeks

I've now made it to 36 weeks.  The time of weekly doctor's appointments, back pain, and people thinking I'm fragile.  I appreciate the thought but it's starting to piss me off.  I'm good people, promise.

Starting this Monday I'm scaling back to working half time--mornings.  I'm feeling incredibly guilty about this decision.  However, every day around 10 am I have excruciating back pain.  It hurts to sit.  So then I stand.  Then I teach on my feet and I get cankles and ballooned feet.  No win.  But I'm trying to work through feeling guilty about just leaving my kiddos.  I know they'll be fine but I feel badly about leaving them at the end of the year.

I did take a few pictures the other day.  9 months pregnant.  Wow.

How Things Have Changed

Well, I'm now 34 weeks pregnant.  I can still hardly believe it.

We had our 34 week appointment yesterday which also included another ultrasound.  At my 32 week appointment it was thought that this little Bubs was measuring a month ahead!  After the ultrasound, turns out he's measuring only a week ahead.

He's doing well too.  Great heart beat, good movement, hair on his head, kidneys working, heart that looks perfect (thank goodness, those were a scary couple of months), etc.  We're ecstatic.

The hubs recently took to worrying about me.  How sweet.  It's sweet because up until recently I couldn't tell if there was much concern.  That might sound terrible but it's not meant to.  It was almost like the hubs was just chugging along like normal and not showing too much emotion about it--survival.  But now...it's sweet.

I looked at my last post and the picture I posted--I remember thinking how big my belly was getting.  Psha!  That's nothing.  And I know this is still nothing.  But here are some more recent photos.

This last photo was about two or three weeks ago.  I'll have to take another one soon!

Oops

Wow, I suck at posting!  I have no excuse either.

So, in case you didn't already know, it's a boy!  I was totally shocked.  Thought for sure it was a girl.  We're over the moon either way.

I'm now 6 1/2 months along and the little bun is kicking away.  But really, he's been doing that since week 18.  Overachiever. (o:

We had a minor scare when something showed up on our ultrasound on his heart.  After another month and another ultrasound we're told it's most likely just a calcification on his heart, harmless.

We're doing just great over here...but we have some friends that could use prayers and positive vibes.  One family just lost their baby in-utero (20-some weeks).  Another friend is battling breast cancer and pushing through chemo.  And yet another friend, her 17 year old daughter is now also undergoing chemo after finding a lump on her neck.  Turns out it's Hodgkins Lymphoma.  She was days away from signing with a university for a scholarship for academics and volleyball.  Now, no more athletics.   So send them the good stuff, anything you've got.

Thanks all.

It's A...

Well, we still don't know.  But we'll know (hopefully) on Monday!  I will be very good.  I'll drink all my water and even some OJ to boot.  I'm hoping the baby will cooperate and maybe be a little extra squirmy (o:

I'm 19 weeks today and still feeling really good.  I know I've gained weight.  I've been eating like it's going out of style.  Okay, so not that badly but having an appetite back after 3 months of gagging at food is sure nice.

I've gotten back into my baking stride again.  Made a pudding cake thing the other night and tonight made some funfetti cake blondies--yum!

Here's a more recent photos. I think I was 18 weeks here.

Oh, and the looking-down-my-belly shot:

I'm trying to think of something cute to reveal the gender with at work/school. I didn't want to do the cake with frosting in the middle thing but I honestly can't think of a better way.  I may tweak that idea and just do cake balls and only have ONE have the colored frosting inside. Heehee.

It's starting to snow here.  It's January 12 and we've had no snow since November.  In Michigan.  Crazy.

When You're 16 Going on 17...

It really has been a while since I've posted, over a month.  Let's catch up.

I've entered the second trimester.
I've stopped spotting.
I've discovered Pinterest (hence the lack of blogging).
I had a lovely family Christmas.
I'm taking full advantage of being on winter break; vegging in front of the tv, in comfy clothes, with my pups.

I'm somewhere near 17 weeks, like 16wks 6 days.

I finally have an appetite back...which could be a bad thing.  I had another check up, this one with my wonderful NP, last Wednesday and I have now gained.....THREE pounds.  I'm loving that.  It may sound terrible on the other end but I worked my butt off (literally) before I got pregnant to lose weight and I'm still overweight, so I really don't need to gain like most ladies.

I've been taking photos weekly but haven't really organized them yet--I will though.  I have taken a couple shots with normal clothes on...lemme see if I can locate them...

Or one of them.  This is 15 weeks.

I've been in a few times to hear the heart beat, usually per regular appointment, but one extra time in the midst of spotting.

November 25- 162 beats per minute

November 28- 180 beats per minute (much later in the day appointment)

December 21- 165 beats per minute

Next appointment, January 16...the gender ultrasound!  I've been told this appointment will take up to 2 hours.  What on earth will take this long?

Anyhow, I'm feeling much better in general.  While the fatigue has passed the hubs and I are still going to bed in the 8 o'clock hour; I love it!  

I didn't exercise the entire month of November (oh, did I tell you, I got the flu a few weeks ago...way to suck away a weekend) and finally made it outside to walk today with the doggies.  I'm hoping to keep that up (either walk outside, walk at the local high school, or do a video-Walk Away the Pounds).

That's what's new with this chickadee.  I hope to update a bit more often.  Maybe I'll even get those belly shots organized.

Happy New Year. May 2012 be the best yet!

12 Weeks 5 Days

Wow.  Those days in the beginning, where I was feeling especially tired or nauseated, seemed to consume me.  I thought I'd never see the light at the end of the first trimester tunnel.  I've been luckier than most, but it hasn't been a cakewalk.

I had my first real appointment on Friday, Black Friday.  This was one of the weight, blood pressure, heart beat checks.  Weight, up 2 pounds.  The only pounds I've gained so far--whew.  A lady I work with today scared the crap out of me by saying she gained 75 pounds with both of her pregnancies.  IN THE FIRST TRIMESTER.  Oh my weeerd.

Blood pressure also good, well the second time.  I really don't like those darn automatic BP checkers. They hurt!  So done manually my BP was totally normal.

Heart beat also good.  162 bpm.

Then came Sunday night and more spotting.  Not spotting like it had been before.  So of course the worry set in again.

Sent a message to the nurses Monday morning and heard back around noon.  Went in for another heartbeat check after work.  Yes, another one...three days from the first one.  I totally felt like a heel.  But I know I need to get over that.  I'm doing what's best for me and for baby.

Heartbeat on Monday was 180.  Active little bugga.  So things are going well here.  I totally don't feel pregnant.  There's a big disconnect between what I see/hear at the doctor's office and what I feel in my body.  I suppose I should enjoy this now, the peace and normal feeling.

Next appointment is with my NP.  I don't know what to expect.  I wish I knew more what to expect.  It's not until just before Christmas though, lots of time to do some research.

Come January we find out the gender.  Let's hope bugga cooperates.  I've been told to make some of my liquid orange juice so they'll hopefully be a bit more active.

Second trimester is close.  So close.  I know it does not eliminate any real problems but when my risk of miscarriage falls by a huge percentage, I can't help but get excited.

Testing, Testing

I went back in for my beta hcg test on Wednesday. The way my doctor's office is set up involves me bypassing the regular waiting room and finding my way to a tiny sitting area just outside the lab. Unlike my previous blood draws, the door to the lab was closed and the note upon it prompted me to patiently wait in a seat and I would be helped soon.

As I sat there, I kid you not, three different pregnant women--all with husbands/boyfriends in tow--came bounding back for their ultrasounds. Without expecting it (but why would I?) I found myself sad. I think there was one quick moment where I could have cried. Was this my first test of strength? But then I remembered, someday that WILL be me too. I will drag my hubby along with me to the OB to share in the excitement of hearing baby's first heartbeat. Ahhhhh.

Then the door to the lab opened and there stood the tech who I had seen the other day. You know, the one who had no comment when I said, "I sure hope this one's better than the last".
But unlike last time with her, this poke was painful...and I think she nearly missed the vein because she said, "Uh oh", (yeah, thanks by the way...so comforting!) and when I looked over I saw my blood all spluttered in a tube and a very small amount in the vial. She literally had to look up how much blood was needed for this test to make sure she had enough. I was sweating bullets for a moment. Luckily, half a whatever (I can't remember how much it was) was enough. It literally took up half an inch at the bottom of the vial.

Then I had to wait. I'm not a big fan of the waiting game. However, waiting for this wasn't too bad. If my hormone levels were too high, I guess I'd be back in the same chair next week. If they were normal I'm off the hook.

I got the call this afternoon and then sat on hold for 14 minutes to hear, "Everything looks good. Your level came back at 3. We consider 5 normal".

So now I'm back to the waiting game. Waiting for Aunt Flo to show back up. Then waiting for her to go away and then show back up again and then back into the baby making frame of mind.

Of course it's not that simple. Remember those two little things that can put my monthly schedule into a tizzy? Well, I'm planning on one of those in exactly one month from tomorrow. And trust me, I don't plan when I'm going to be sick. It's back to New York for me for a week. Have I ever mentioned that I Heart NY? I really do. But having it put my schedule outta whack is going to suck. This year, however, I'm going to be in shape and maybe having that regular-ness will help out in other areas too.

But, either way-depending on when AF shows up for the first time (um, on my normal cycle or following the MC cycle plus the travel delay) I'm hopefully looking into a mid to late July try. I have my fingers and toes crossed. I know it won't be easy, it never is. I just wonder how much testing I can stand up to?

Hot Minute

Well, ("It's a deep subject", as my mom would say) it's been a long weekend. Maybe it's been more of a long month. For a hot minute I was pregnant. Really. One year and eleven months of trying to conceive and we finally did. It was exciting, scary, and unbelievable all at the same time. But alas, it was short lived.

I'm mainly writing about this to help myself digest everything but I suppose someone, somewhere, may learn a thing or two from our experience.

First off, I could hardly contain the fact that I was late. I'm rarely ever late. The only things that make me late are travel and sickness...neither of which I had experienced this month. I, amazingly, controlled myself enough to wait five days past my missed period before testing.

After a series of very faint positives on a Monday night, I resolved to retest the next morning. The digital stick said, "PREGNANT" and the Dollar Store (um, those things really do work well!) one clearly showed a blue plus sign.

Finally. Almost two years of trying, hoping, peeing on sticks to finally see pregnant. Me, I was pregnant. And when that actually sank in, it scared the shit out of me.

Tuesday morning I called my OB to schedule a blood test which I did late Tuesday afternoon. The hubs said he'd believe I was pregnant when it came from the doctor. So, I had to get the blood drawn. I hate needles and furthermore hate getting blood drawn from my body. But heck, if I were going to get a phone call in return telling me I was pregnant, it was worth it.

Wednesday afternoon, while in the computer lab with all 26 of my students and my dear friend the computer lab aide, I got the phone call. I answered the phone, smiling, anticipating the great news. When her tone didn't match mine, I immediately worried. From what I remember, this is what she said, "Your beta results show you're between one to two weeks pregnant."

Now, I'm no doctor, but I can do some math--and with the greatness of the Internet I'd already calculated a due date and all. "One to two weeks?"

"Yes."

"That can't be right (you know, because you can argue with a nurse and medical results), I'm at least five weeks along."

"Well, let's schedule you another blood test. If the levels rise, you're in good shape."

I don't remember much else of that conversation other than trying to excuse myself into the hallway to continue this awkward phone call only to find a colleague of mine standing there grading posters on the wall. How do you talk about this sensitive subject in front of others, especially when no one knows?!

Wednesday into Thursday were full of worry. I'm a realist. I'm definitely positive but when I'm given actual medical data, I can't help but think of what might be.

Thursday afternoon I returned for the blood test. On my way out, I made a comment like, "I sure hope this one's better than the last."

The lab tech said nothing. Not a good sign.

Thursday evening I cried all night long. I could feel it in my bones or rather, I couldn't feel it in my bones. I just knew.

Friday morning I woke up to spotting. In retrospect, I'm so glad I found out myself first, instead of having anyone else tell me. I snuggled in bed with the hubs before I left for work and told him the news. I cried a little bit more but pulled myself together for the commute to work.

When I got to work, I started bleeding. After walking my kids to their Special first thing in the morning, I noticed I had a voice mail. Again, not a good sign when the OB's calling you at 8 am.

I braced myself for the phone call and tried to talk myself out of crying. Worked like a charm, NOT.

Turns out this whole process is more complicated than just miscarrying. This included the doctor and also, and this was the hardest, telling my mom not only was I pregnant, but I was now miscarrying. Both my mom and dad were headed up for the weekend and by the time this all happened, they had already arrived. After getting through the initial news, it worked out well. My mom came with me the whole afternoon and we even had the chance to go grab some lunch.

I had to go see my Dr. first to go over some information, set up repeat blood tests (watching hormone levels drop), receive an exam--which never happened-thank goodness, and get the schedule of when we could try again. Since I didn't know my blood type I had to also head to our hospital for more blood work (have I mentioned how much I hate needles and blood work?!?) to find out if I was RH negative.

I left my Dr's office with a form for the blood test that read at the bottom, "STAT". Now, I know I'm okay, uncomfortable, but okay, so why stat? Turns out, long story short, if I happened to be RH negative I would have to receive a shot called "Rhogam" to further prevent my body from fighting off and rejecting any future pregnancies. But don't you think I'd know if I were negative?

Turns out, not so much. After two very painful pokes (a MISS on the first attempt, that was no fun) I returned to the waiting room, eyes full of tears, to my mom. I don't do well with needles, ahem, and with the additional pain of a student phlebotomist I could hold no more.

We waited in the lab for another hour and a half only to have a nurse call my name again as she held a small package. Sure enough, RH negative. Which meant, another needle.

And that was the last time I cried during this whole situation. Am I sad? Sure. Is it the end of the world? Nope. Am I getting right back up and back on the family planning wagon again? You betcha.

I'm a firm believer in things happening for a reason. This has been proven to me time and time again. I'm waiting for this one to be completely clear. I now know about the RH negative issue but I feel there may be something greater than that. Only time will tell.

But for one hot minute, I was pregnant.