Walk

The pups and I went for a walk through downtown tonight. I took my camera along to snag some photos to be able to post in a thread that highlights your hometown. After some thinking, I decided to post the photos here seeming as though I have nothing better to say and the fact that I've been really lax in the photo posting department.

Welcome to my town. Enjoy!

Testing, Testing

I went back in for my beta hcg test on Wednesday. The way my doctor's office is set up involves me bypassing the regular waiting room and finding my way to a tiny sitting area just outside the lab. Unlike my previous blood draws, the door to the lab was closed and the note upon it prompted me to patiently wait in a seat and I would be helped soon.

As I sat there, I kid you not, three different pregnant women--all with husbands/boyfriends in tow--came bounding back for their ultrasounds. Without expecting it (but why would I?) I found myself sad. I think there was one quick moment where I could have cried. Was this my first test of strength? But then I remembered, someday that WILL be me too. I will drag my hubby along with me to the OB to share in the excitement of hearing baby's first heartbeat. Ahhhhh.

Then the door to the lab opened and there stood the tech who I had seen the other day. You know, the one who had no comment when I said, "I sure hope this one's better than the last".
But unlike last time with her, this poke was painful...and I think she nearly missed the vein because she said, "Uh oh", (yeah, thanks by the way...so comforting!) and when I looked over I saw my blood all spluttered in a tube and a very small amount in the vial. She literally had to look up how much blood was needed for this test to make sure she had enough. I was sweating bullets for a moment. Luckily, half a whatever (I can't remember how much it was) was enough. It literally took up half an inch at the bottom of the vial.

Then I had to wait. I'm not a big fan of the waiting game. However, waiting for this wasn't too bad. If my hormone levels were too high, I guess I'd be back in the same chair next week. If they were normal I'm off the hook.

I got the call this afternoon and then sat on hold for 14 minutes to hear, "Everything looks good. Your level came back at 3. We consider 5 normal".

So now I'm back to the waiting game. Waiting for Aunt Flo to show back up. Then waiting for her to go away and then show back up again and then back into the baby making frame of mind.

Of course it's not that simple. Remember those two little things that can put my monthly schedule into a tizzy? Well, I'm planning on one of those in exactly one month from tomorrow. And trust me, I don't plan when I'm going to be sick. It's back to New York for me for a week. Have I ever mentioned that I Heart NY? I really do. But having it put my schedule outta whack is going to suck. This year, however, I'm going to be in shape and maybe having that regular-ness will help out in other areas too.

But, either way-depending on when AF shows up for the first time (um, on my normal cycle or following the MC cycle plus the travel delay) I'm hopefully looking into a mid to late July try. I have my fingers and toes crossed. I know it won't be easy, it never is. I just wonder how much testing I can stand up to?

Hot Minute

Well, ("It's a deep subject", as my mom would say) it's been a long weekend. Maybe it's been more of a long month. For a hot minute I was pregnant. Really. One year and eleven months of trying to conceive and we finally did. It was exciting, scary, and unbelievable all at the same time. But alas, it was short lived.

I'm mainly writing about this to help myself digest everything but I suppose someone, somewhere, may learn a thing or two from our experience.

First off, I could hardly contain the fact that I was late. I'm rarely ever late. The only things that make me late are travel and sickness...neither of which I had experienced this month. I, amazingly, controlled myself enough to wait five days past my missed period before testing.

After a series of very faint positives on a Monday night, I resolved to retest the next morning. The digital stick said, "PREGNANT" and the Dollar Store (um, those things really do work well!) one clearly showed a blue plus sign.

Finally. Almost two years of trying, hoping, peeing on sticks to finally see pregnant. Me, I was pregnant. And when that actually sank in, it scared the shit out of me.

Tuesday morning I called my OB to schedule a blood test which I did late Tuesday afternoon. The hubs said he'd believe I was pregnant when it came from the doctor. So, I had to get the blood drawn. I hate needles and furthermore hate getting blood drawn from my body. But heck, if I were going to get a phone call in return telling me I was pregnant, it was worth it.

Wednesday afternoon, while in the computer lab with all 26 of my students and my dear friend the computer lab aide, I got the phone call. I answered the phone, smiling, anticipating the great news. When her tone didn't match mine, I immediately worried. From what I remember, this is what she said, "Your beta results show you're between one to two weeks pregnant."

Now, I'm no doctor, but I can do some math--and with the greatness of the Internet I'd already calculated a due date and all. "One to two weeks?"

"Yes."

"That can't be right (you know, because you can argue with a nurse and medical results), I'm at least five weeks along."

"Well, let's schedule you another blood test. If the levels rise, you're in good shape."

I don't remember much else of that conversation other than trying to excuse myself into the hallway to continue this awkward phone call only to find a colleague of mine standing there grading posters on the wall. How do you talk about this sensitive subject in front of others, especially when no one knows?!

Wednesday into Thursday were full of worry. I'm a realist. I'm definitely positive but when I'm given actual medical data, I can't help but think of what might be.

Thursday afternoon I returned for the blood test. On my way out, I made a comment like, "I sure hope this one's better than the last."

The lab tech said nothing. Not a good sign.

Thursday evening I cried all night long. I could feel it in my bones or rather, I couldn't feel it in my bones. I just knew.

Friday morning I woke up to spotting. In retrospect, I'm so glad I found out myself first, instead of having anyone else tell me. I snuggled in bed with the hubs before I left for work and told him the news. I cried a little bit more but pulled myself together for the commute to work.

When I got to work, I started bleeding. After walking my kids to their Special first thing in the morning, I noticed I had a voice mail. Again, not a good sign when the OB's calling you at 8 am.

I braced myself for the phone call and tried to talk myself out of crying. Worked like a charm, NOT.

Turns out this whole process is more complicated than just miscarrying. This included the doctor and also, and this was the hardest, telling my mom not only was I pregnant, but I was now miscarrying. Both my mom and dad were headed up for the weekend and by the time this all happened, they had already arrived. After getting through the initial news, it worked out well. My mom came with me the whole afternoon and we even had the chance to go grab some lunch.

I had to go see my Dr. first to go over some information, set up repeat blood tests (watching hormone levels drop), receive an exam--which never happened-thank goodness, and get the schedule of when we could try again. Since I didn't know my blood type I had to also head to our hospital for more blood work (have I mentioned how much I hate needles and blood work?!?) to find out if I was RH negative.

I left my Dr's office with a form for the blood test that read at the bottom, "STAT". Now, I know I'm okay, uncomfortable, but okay, so why stat? Turns out, long story short, if I happened to be RH negative I would have to receive a shot called "Rhogam" to further prevent my body from fighting off and rejecting any future pregnancies. But don't you think I'd know if I were negative?

Turns out, not so much. After two very painful pokes (a MISS on the first attempt, that was no fun) I returned to the waiting room, eyes full of tears, to my mom. I don't do well with needles, ahem, and with the additional pain of a student phlebotomist I could hold no more.

We waited in the lab for another hour and a half only to have a nurse call my name again as she held a small package. Sure enough, RH negative. Which meant, another needle.

And that was the last time I cried during this whole situation. Am I sad? Sure. Is it the end of the world? Nope. Am I getting right back up and back on the family planning wagon again? You betcha.

I'm a firm believer in things happening for a reason. This has been proven to me time and time again. I'm waiting for this one to be completely clear. I now know about the RH negative issue but I feel there may be something greater than that. Only time will tell.

But for one hot minute, I was pregnant.

Love

I can't believe I forgot to write about this before. I've seen many kinds of love in my life but I recently witnessed a new one.

I know the hubs loves our pup. I love our pup. But when Codie got home after her surgery recently, the hubs was very gentle and thoughtful of her needs.

After she woke up from her anesthesia-induced nap he decided to get dinner for her. He grilled her her own chicken breast.

This may not sound like much but knowing that the hubs won't cook unless he's begged, for him to open a package of chicken for her one piece, and to stand in the cool rain outside on the deck to make his puppy dinner...that was a new kind of love.

Five Months In

Well, I'm five months in and 28 pounds lighter..errrrr, scratch that, as of Monday morning I'm now 30 pounds lighter! I'm not at my final goal. Actually I'm about half way to my final goal. If I could, I would love to lose another 20-30 pounds. Summer is right around the corner too...will I be more energized to work harder? Will I fall to the free time I will have? Please don't let that happen, I beg of myself!
I'm now officially down one pant size and on my way to being down two. Some of my pants, after a few minutes of wearing them, slide down and are a bit uncomfortable. My shirts I'm wearing mostly larges and some mediums. That definitely feels nice.

I think soon I will need to evaluate my summer vacation workout plan. I would love to find a yoga class to go to. I can only do so many videos, sorry Bob and Jillian.
That's all for now. Have a great week!

Sentimental

The hubs and I went out to dinner this evening before his gig. As we pulled into East Lansing we thought we had made a mistake-it's Michigan State University graduation day. Yikes!

But we got fairly lucky when we number one, found a parking spot in downtown, number two got into the restaurant we were headed for just before the crowd, and number three really enjoyed our dinner.

On our first official date we went for Indian, Bombay Cuisine in Grand Rapids (pre remodel). I'm still quite sentimental about the images I have tucked in my memory from that night.
And when we moved to the Capital, we tried another Indian cuisine restaurant and about had a come-apart. Everything about that night was awful! But tonight we tried a new place, Mumbai, and it was delicious!

As we were sitting there, among the hoards of new graduates, our table was just behind a family of five. Very proud parents and two siblings all there congratulating the oldest girl. There was one moment, just before they ordered, where her parents asked her what her plan was now. From what I recall she said she was, "returning back to Dubai," and something to the effect of, "great booming economy," etc. After the girl stated her intentions the parents presented her with a gift. I'm not sure of the amount but it must have been quite nice, but she was given a check for all her hard work while she was here at school. I got the feeling they kept tucking money away as if she was being paid for doing a job while in school. The whole moment was amazing though. The parents explained how this was to get her on her feet and to start fresh in a new place.

I literally had to lower my head and concentrate on my Chicken Tikka to avoid crying. I'm not doing the moment any justice but to be a part of it all was lovely. Her parents were so proud of her and in return the girl was so grateful. Very touching.

On top of having a wonderful meal with my husband, I left that restaurant with an even better feeling. I'm excited to return but strangely, I'm more excited for that girl's family and their future.

Squidgy

That's my word. Squidgy. To me it means soft and pudgy around the edges. Like my body.

It seems no matter how much weight I lose, I still feel squidgy.

I was SURE today as I got on the scale there was going to be a 2 pound uppage in weight. I was SHOCKED when the scale was down three more pounds. That's right-I'm now officially 195.6 which is down 28.2 pounds. That's really close to thirty. So close I can almost taste it.

It seems as though I'm a long-term gal. The more I keep going the better it gets. I definitely think the yogging is helping. And tonight, despite my miserable allergies, I will be yogging again.

I will take pictures soon because I'm having a hard time believing it too.

Hey Baby (errr Babies!)

So our friends welcomed their twin boys on Friday morning. There are many amazing things about this birth. One of them happens to be that the mother-to-be went 39 weeks carrying twins. I'm convinced she could have made it 40 weeks but they had (by doctor's orders) scheduled the c-section at that time.

Secondly, the boys came out weighing 6 lbs 6 oz and...wait for it...8 lbs! Unreal. She was literally carrying two fully grown single pregnancy babies in there.

The hubs and I went to the hospital today to visit. And boy, they are perfect. Right now, they look nothing alike. They were both ultra sweet and fell asleep in my arms-such a lovely feeling.

So, that's one friend pregnant with twin boys down, one more to go. This week this second set of friends will find out how much longer they are supposed to go. I think full term she'd deliver in June. Not far off at all.

Our weekend was full of family and babies. What about yours?