A Joke

I do not claim this one as my own...however, I have changed some of the words along the way.

It's sad that even though I've heard the joke several times, have written it out, and even shared it with other, I still laugh. I'm not a good in-person joke teller.

There are three women sitting in a sauna. Two of them are in their early 20s and the other one, well, let's just say she's been a member of AARP longer than she'd like to admit.

Anyway, they're all just sitting there relaxing when there's this, "beep beep beep" sound. The one 20 year old says as she grabs hold of her forearm, "Oh, I'm so sorry, please excuse me, that's my beeper. I had that new microchip installed in my arm for my beeper, it's so convenient."

The other 20 year old smiled and agreed, "Absolutely." While the older woman just stared wide eyed and smiled.

A short while later there was a ringing. The other 20 year old held the palm of her hand up to her ear and started talking! When she was done she also explained about having the microchip embedded, but in her hand, and how much she loved it.

The younger girl with the beeper responded, "Oh, you're so lucky. I'm hoping to upgrade to that one soon!"

Meanwhile, the older lady's mind is just swirling, "How did I lose touch so quickly? I haven't even heard of these things."

Being slightly embarrassed the older woman excused herself to go to the bathroom and returned a short time later. The two 20 year olds' eyes bulged, they exchanged glances...the old woman had toilet paper stuck between her cheeks running down to the floor.

"Do we tell her?", one whispered to the other.

"Um, ma-am, I'm so sorry but you have something stuck to you."

"Oh goodness!", the older lady replied. "Looks like I'm getting a fax."

Five Question Friday-July 29

Welcome back to the 5QF series courtesy of Mama M at My Little Life.

1. Vow renewal ceremonies - yay or nay?

I say yay. But it would have to be after something monumental-many years together or maybe even after some relationship troubles and you're both wanting to reaffirm your commitment.

2. What sound/s annoy you the most?

When people SNAP their gum. Oh you know what I'm talking about. Not the normal "pop" here and there. But that *snap* *snap* *snap* *snap* *snap*....Oh my word, you're rude.

There's a woman who chews gum in my yoga class. Seriously? Of all places to be chewing on gum...yoga?!?!

3. If you had to pick, would you have only all boys, or only all girls for kids?

Well, again I'd be happy either way but I suppose I'd like both parties to be represented.

4. Do you believe in alternative medicine?

Sho nuff. I believe in alternate ways of healing and treating things. I'm not a big medicine person so whatever I can do, I'm usually willing to try.

5. Would you take a family members children and raise them if they needed it?

Yup. I was recently telling someone else about our situation. We could very well be needing to take care of a little guy related to us. We've already discussed it and are prepared if it needs to happen.

Now it's your turn. Copy and paste the questions, answer them all, and link up with Mama M.

In Which I Talk About Numbers

E and I ran to and through on of our local parks today. On the other side of the park is a trail that leads back to town, but along the river on a small dirt trail.

(Photo Courtesy of Google Images)

(Photo Courtesy of Google Images)

(Photo Courtesy of Google Images)

Not too shabby on the eye. This last photo is actually the other side of the trail, if you walk under the bridge, to where the hubs and I were married. Quaint.

Before we headed out this morning we hopped on the scale. I'm down 2 1/2 pounds. Not really as drastic as I thought it may have been...but there seemed to be some scale error. The first

time I got on the scale it told me I was down eight pounds (E too). Then we moved the scale to a more level part of the sidewalk, then I was down 4. We finally propped it up on her porch where I was down 2 1/2.

So I suppose if there was a lot of error, next week might be really good.

After our run then hike through the trail we headed over to the island for a moment.

(Photo Courtesy of Google Images)

Also very quaint and beautiful. Off to the right side of the bridge all the ducks and geese were preening on the water's edge, getting ready for their day. On the other side of the bridge,

I found my number 12.

Progress

Well, I'm now officially a week and a day into my new routine. How's it going? Great! Better than expected actually. Although, we're weighing in tomorrow so we'll see. I typically either stay the same or even gain for the first couple of weeks but this time, I've done things differently so I have more hope.

So, what's different?

1. No refined sugar added to anything. And really, so far I haven't eaten much that even is made with it. I've eaten one slice of whole wheat bread, taken one bite of cinnamon bread, oh-and there was that half a donut (there's a whole guilted-into-eating-it story that I should share here). But that's about it. A DRASTIC reduction from what I used to be eating.
2. More fruits and vegetables. I'm eating fruits and veggies all the time.
3. Raw, not processed. I've really veered us away from pre-prepared foods. This also means no preservatives.
4. Lots of water.
5. No eating after 7:00 pm.
6. Think about what I'm putting in my mouth-energy giver or taker?
7. No guilt. If I really want something, have it. This alone I think has been a game changer. It's not NO, it's sure go ahead, but will it make your body feel good?

I had a thought yesterday. What if I went all "Biggest Loser" style and worked out a couple of times a day until I went back to school? It would help me take off extra pounds a bit quicker and then I could work on maintaining. Even though I don't look like it-my body could easily lose 30 pounds and I'd still be considered overweight, I'm sure. I'm tinkering with the idea...

Happy Tuesday!

One More

One more makes eleven. I went to see the hubs at an outdoor gig last night. I happened to look up into the sky to see one crane/heron flying overhead.

At this rate, I'll collect all 1,000 in 3-4 years. (o;

5QF-July 22

Going for round two of Five Question Friday, courtesy of Mama M at My Little Life

Care to join? Copy and paste the questions and link up.

1. If your husband had the BIG V and you got pregnant what would your first reaction be? For the dudes, what would your first reaction be if your wife told you she was pregnant after the Big V?

This one is difficult to answer but I would probably guess I'd be ecstatic. I'm sure it would be meant to be.

2. Best memory about this summer so far.

Spending quality time with my mom and aunt in New York. Very lucky.

3. How often do you change your sheets? Your kids sheets?

Once to twice a week. I'm sure it's supposed to be more often than that, and sometimes it is. We use a very scientific method for deciding when the sheets need to be changed. We examine them to see if they still look clean.

4. Having just gone through TSA, would you rather have a full-body scan or a pat-down?

Either. I suppose it doesn't really bother me. It's not like anyone wants to really look at this on a scan.

5. Since it is fair time...what's your favorite fair (county or state) memory?

I'm not a big fair person. Growing up we always went to the Berrien County Youth Fair whose coin phrase is "The Midwest's Largest Youth Fair".

That Makes...Ten?

This morning my running buddy (E) and I decided it was time to get on the scale so we can start tracking our progress (you like that optimism?) so we didn't get started until about 6:05. We had just passed my house when I heard something flying above. A goose? A duck?

You guessed it. But it wasn't just one...there were four cranes flying together. Four. All together. I've never ever seen that many.

Then I let (E) in on my little crane secret complete with excuses of, "I know this sounds funny...I'm not sure why I think this...it's just silly."

And you know what she said? When she was pregnant, she found herself 'protected' by hawks. She'd never seen them much before she was pregnant with her first and now hasn't seen one since she gave birth to her twins.

Then she proceeded to tell me there is a crane festival that happens annually not far from here. That would definitely get me closer to 1,000.

So I'm not crazy.

But according to the math I can concretely remember, that's seven cranes. I know I've seen more but that would be a very loose estimate. Maybe I'll bump it up to ten. Ten's a good number.

Werkin' Out

It finally came back around. I went through a phase, about a month, where I couldn't get myself excited about working out or eating well. Then last week, it hit me. Enough.

I phoned a friend, literally using a life line, and made a plan:

6:00 AM Monday, Wednesday, and Friday-First Day to 5K workout

6:00 AM Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday-Extended walk or bike ride

We decided today that everyone needs a break so Sunday is our rest day.

But every day, I am making sure that what I'm putting in my mouth is good for my body. But how twisted is this? If I want a treat, I'll eat a treat. Except there will be no guilt about treats (which will be few and far between).

And with food, I'm no longer adding sugar or butter to things. This means no brown sugar in oatmeal, no butter on my broccoli...

So what have I been eating?

Oatmeal with cinnamon, a little milk, fresh raspberries, golden raisins, dates

Hard boiled eggs

2% milk cheese (although I feel I should mention, I only drink Vit D milk-IF suggestion)

Carrots

Broccoli

Sliced chicken (lunch meat-I know I know...) with a stripe of mustard rolled up

Raspberries

Blueberries

Cherries

Bananas

Peaches-well, if they ever ripen!

In the afternoon I'll drink a smoothie-Greek yogurt, any of the above fruit, honey, a splash of milk, ice)

Lots of water

Black coffee

For dinner we've had:

Baked lemon pepper Pollock, steamed broccoli, rice, and cherries for dessert

Coconut curry vegetables and chicken with brown rice

Tonight, turkey burgers with avocado, green beens, and I haven't decided on one other thing

I'll be weighing myself tomorrow morning and I'll keep up with progress on here.

When I thought today about what I really wanted to get out of all of this, I decided that not only do I want to be healthy but I'd really like to be able to go shopping and look good in the clothes I wear-maybe even wear things I've never been able to before. Vain? Maybe. But it's my life and I know it's all a part of making me happy and confident.

Now That's Funny

In school I teach my kids about homophones-two words that sound alike but have different meanings and are usually spelled differently. We talk about noticing the spellings and also using the context clues around the word to help decipher the meaning. We also study homonyms-words that are spelled alike and sound alike but have different meanings. These eight and nine year olds quite get it.

I thought most adults did too. I didn't realize I needed a homonym disclaimer on my last post.

I got a comment on that theory post that baffled me at first and then sent me rolling with laughter, imagining the sight. (Although, it's very possibly spam...)

Now picture this, me talking about the symbolism of seeing these:

(Courtesy of Google Images)

Yep these, flying by me on the highway. Swimming in the river near the ducks.

Really?

So to the 'person' who sent me this comment,

This is a very helpful post, i hope this really helps me to complete my project. There are many different varieties of cranes on the market today, both in terms of size and type. Each type and size serves a different function. In essence, a crane is a machine, which lifts materials up and down as well as horizontally. They are most often used in the construction, manufacturing and transport industries.

I would just like to clarify that I meant these:

(Courtesy of Google Images)

I Have a Theory

I have a theory. It's quite strange and based solely on this idea in my mind. You know how you sometimes don't notice things, even though they're right there? And then someone points it out and all of a sudden it's everywhere? Recently we thought about getting a new car. I saw a Kia I thought was really neat and then, all of a sudden, they were everywhere. (side note, no new car, same 'ol little zippy car I love).

When my brother and sister-in-law (B & Y) got married they had a lot of cranes to symbolize making a wish come true. This is according to Wikipedia: "An ancient Japanese legend promises that anyone who folds a thousand origami cranes will be granted a wish by a crane, such as long life or recovery from illness or injury. The crane in Japan is one of the mystical or holy creatures (others include the dragon and the tortoise), and is said to live for a thousand years. In Japan, it is commonly said that folding 1000 paper origami cranes makes a person's wish come true. This makes them popular gifts for special friends and family." (She is Japanese)

B & Y had one of those amazing thousand crane things hanging at the reception. Since then, I've become hyper aware of them. So much so that I feel they symbolize good luck, or *hope*, for me.

I'm quite sure, too, that before their wedding, there were not a lot of cranes, or heron, flying around our area. I remember seeing one as a child, standing in a ditch near an intersection, and hearing my parents make a big deal out of it.

So when I started seeing them more frequently, I took it as a sign. A good luck sign for our family. Even more powerful for me was the fact that I didn't start noticing them until we really decided to start our family. This was two years after B & Y's marriage...

So let's fast forward a bit and add in another quick tidbit-I hope I don't confuse. I see these cranes every so often; usually they are flying across an interstate as I drive. They give me hope. For the Fourth of July weekend we went to the hubs' buddy's cabin. While we were pontoon-ing down a river we had two cranes fly right in front of us. They were still a distance away but the closest I had actually come to them.

They are beautiful and graceful creatures. Quite stunning to watch. They gave me butterflies as I was in the midst of the two week wait.

This past week I was working at a local university teaching at a writing camp. One of our activities is to go feed the ducks along the river (sounds strange, but you get some great duck stories!). Just as I was tucking the bread wrapper back in my bag I noticed something that seemed out of place. There in front of me, about 20 feet was a crane. Never before had I seen one this closely.

I quickly and carefully grabbed my camera and slowly walked nearer to snap a shot. I looked down to turn the camera on, and in that instant, it flew further away.
The only thing I could think was it was telling me we were close, so close, but not yet.
When I got home that night, I learned that we were not pregnant. I did a little begging and pleading but in the end, I knew.

But I really think there's something to this whole crane theory for me. It's probably just a bunch of malarky to anyone else. But I may be secretly starting my own collection. If you see one around, think of me-I bet it counts too.
One down, nine hundred ninety nine to go.

Little Heartbreaks

Thought for sure, for suuuure, I was pregnant this cycle. Sigh. Three years, 2 months, but who's counting?

Went to buy some baby things for a friend who just became a first time mom. I cried in the store. I stared at a rack of clothing until it went away. I had an awful thought, "What if I never get to buy things for our baby?".

See, these are things you just aren't prepared for. When you're young you dream about what life will be like in 10 years. I remember my senior year of high school saying I'd be married with at least two kids by the time I was 28. Well, at least I was close to the whole marriage thing at 28.

And every cycle when I think things will get easier, they seem to get harder. And while my husband doesn't quite seem to understand the heartbreak I feel every month, I know it's hard on him too.

Nothing really prepares you for this.

And then I remembered. I was being a schmuck. Feeling like I had nothing to be thankful for. Seriously? You brat.

*husband

*loving and supportive family

*a home

*wonderful dogs

*friends

*health

*car

*clothing

*food

*ability to walk

*use of all limbs actually

*not taking medications

*generally good disposition

So what on earth am I crabbing about? A baby isn't owed to me. I need to stop being so short-sighted and look at the big picture.

I know things will work out. I have hope for a family. But I know I have many things to be thankful for.

Monday

It's gotten to that point again. Where things have gotten out of control. When summertime hits I find I have the best of intentions. And you know where that paves a road to.

So I hitched up my britches and called a friend, two doors down, and we made a plan. Starting this Monday we will meet on the street at 6:00 am (with a leeway window until 6:15) and work our butts out. It will be an every-other-day pattern.

Day A will be running. We will be doing the First Day to 5k series. I used this back in January to train for my May 5K. And while I should be able to do more now than I could then, I'm hoping to up my pace.

Day B will be flexible-walking or biking or whatever suits our fancy. But we're meeting EVERY day, at that awful hour.

I may even have an addition challenge for myself--weight lifting. Lord knows I need it!

More than that, I'm going to stop putting bad things into my body. (Eew, okay, that sounds gross). What I mean is, I'm going to eat good things. It's not like I don't have the time now to make healthy things. But, NO guilt trips just goodness.

Care to join us? I'm weighing my arse on Monday and keeping track. I'm sticking to the thought Jillian Michaels has shared on The Biggest Loser-if you're burning more than you're taking in, you should be losing. I can do that.

Five Question Friday

Thanks to Mama M over at http://fivecrookedhalos.blogspot.com/ I'm remembering that yes indeed, I do have a blog. So here's my grand return with a quick Five Question Friday.

If you'd like to play along, copy/paste the questions on to your blog and then link up with Mama M's blog.

1. If you knew your best friend's spouse was cheating on her or him, would you tell her (him)?

Yes. But I would have to have actual saw-it-myself proof. And none of this let/make him tell her...that's BS. You cheat, you lose.

2. Soda in a can or a bottle?

Neither. Not a soda gal any more. If we're traveling I do enjoy Vernor's in the fountain form. (ps, that's Ginger Ale for you non-Michiganders.

3. What do you wash first, hair or body?

Hair. I wash my bod when my conditioner is working its magic.

4. What advice would you give to any new mama?

No idea. I wish I could contribute to this question. Maybe for mama-to-bes...be thankful.

5. What is your best hangover remedy?

Again, not a situation I often find myself in but back in the day I'd say greasy food and sleep!

Happy Friday all!