Went to buy some baby things for a friend who just became a first time mom. I cried in the store. I stared at a rack of clothing until it went away. I had an awful thought, "What if I never get to buy things for our baby?".
See, these are things you just aren't prepared for. When you're young you dream about what life will be like in 10 years. I remember my senior year of high school saying I'd be married with at least two kids by the time I was 28. Well, at least I was close to the whole marriage thing at 28.
And every cycle when I think things will get easier, they seem to get harder. And while my husband doesn't quite seem to understand the heartbreak I feel every month, I know it's hard on him too.
Nothing really prepares you for this.
And then I remembered. I was being a schmuck. Feeling like I had nothing to be thankful for. Seriously? You brat.
*loving and supportive family
*ability to walk
*use of all limbs actually
*not taking medications
*generally good disposition
So what on earth am I crabbing about? A baby isn't owed to me. I need to stop being so short-sighted and look at the big picture.
I know things will work out. I have hope for a family. But I know I have many things to be thankful for.