Sunday, July 17, 2011

Little Heartbreaks

Thought for sure, for suuuure, I was pregnant this cycle. Sigh. Three years, 2 months, but who's counting?

Went to buy some baby things for a friend who just became a first time mom. I cried in the store. I stared at a rack of clothing until it went away. I had an awful thought, "What if I never get to buy things for our baby?".

See, these are things you just aren't prepared for. When you're young you dream about what life will be like in 10 years. I remember my senior year of high school saying I'd be married with at least two kids by the time I was 28. Well, at least I was close to the whole marriage thing at 28.

And every cycle when I think things will get easier, they seem to get harder. And while my husband doesn't quite seem to understand the heartbreak I feel every month, I know it's hard on him too.

Nothing really prepares you for this.

And then I remembered. I was being a schmuck. Feeling like I had nothing to be thankful for. Seriously? You brat.
*loving and supportive family
*a home
*wonderful dogs
*ability to walk
*use of all limbs actually
*not taking medications
*generally good disposition

So what on earth am I crabbing about? A baby isn't owed to me. I need to stop being so short-sighted and look at the big picture.

I know things will work out. I have hope for a family. But I know I have many things to be thankful for.


  1. :( It's ok to be sad for what you don't have right now.

    The funny thing about IF is that it easily becomes all consuming and the heartbreak of it can over-shadow everything.

    Just know we're here for you and love you! Anytime you need to vent you know where to find me.

  2. Thanks Sarah-Love for you too!

  3. I'm sorry friend...can't even imagine how it feels for you :(