When You're 16 Going on 17...

It really has been a while since I've posted, over a month.  Let's catch up.

I've entered the second trimester.
I've stopped spotting.
I've discovered Pinterest (hence the lack of blogging).
I had a lovely family Christmas.
I'm taking full advantage of being on winter break; vegging in front of the tv, in comfy clothes, with my pups.

I'm somewhere near 17 weeks, like 16wks 6 days.

I finally have an appetite back...which could be a bad thing.  I had another check up, this one with my wonderful NP, last Wednesday and I have now gained.....THREE pounds.  I'm loving that.  It may sound terrible on the other end but I worked my butt off (literally) before I got pregnant to lose weight and I'm still overweight, so I really don't need to gain like most ladies.

I've been taking photos weekly but haven't really organized them yet--I will though.  I have taken a couple shots with normal clothes on...lemme see if I can locate them...

Or one of them.  This is 15 weeks.

I've been in a few times to hear the heart beat, usually per regular appointment, but one extra time in the midst of spotting.

November 25- 162 beats per minute

November 28- 180 beats per minute (much later in the day appointment)

December 21- 165 beats per minute

Next appointment, January 16...the gender ultrasound!  I've been told this appointment will take up to 2 hours.  What on earth will take this long?

Anyhow, I'm feeling much better in general.  While the fatigue has passed the hubs and I are still going to bed in the 8 o'clock hour; I love it!  

I didn't exercise the entire month of November (oh, did I tell you, I got the flu a few weeks ago...way to suck away a weekend) and finally made it outside to walk today with the doggies.  I'm hoping to keep that up (either walk outside, walk at the local high school, or do a video-Walk Away the Pounds).

That's what's new with this chickadee.  I hope to update a bit more often.  Maybe I'll even get those belly shots organized.

Happy New Year. May 2012 be the best yet!

12 Weeks 5 Days

Wow.  Those days in the beginning, where I was feeling especially tired or nauseated, seemed to consume me.  I thought I'd never see the light at the end of the first trimester tunnel.  I've been luckier than most, but it hasn't been a cakewalk.

I had my first real appointment on Friday, Black Friday.  This was one of the weight, blood pressure, heart beat checks.  Weight, up 2 pounds.  The only pounds I've gained so far--whew.  A lady I work with today scared the crap out of me by saying she gained 75 pounds with both of her pregnancies.  IN THE FIRST TRIMESTER.  Oh my weeerd.

Blood pressure also good, well the second time.  I really don't like those darn automatic BP checkers. They hurt!  So done manually my BP was totally normal.

Heart beat also good.  162 bpm.

Then came Sunday night and more spotting.  Not spotting like it had been before.  So of course the worry set in again.

Sent a message to the nurses Monday morning and heard back around noon.  Went in for another heartbeat check after work.  Yes, another one...three days from the first one.  I totally felt like a heel.  But I know I need to get over that.  I'm doing what's best for me and for baby.

Heartbeat on Monday was 180.  Active little bugga.  So things are going well here.  I totally don't feel pregnant.  There's a big disconnect between what I see/hear at the doctor's office and what I feel in my body.  I suppose I should enjoy this now, the peace and normal feeling.

Next appointment is with my NP.  I don't know what to expect.  I wish I knew more what to expect.  It's not until just before Christmas though, lots of time to do some research.

Come January we find out the gender.  Let's hope bugga cooperates.  I've been told to make some of my liquid orange juice so they'll hopefully be a bit more active.

Second trimester is close.  So close.  I know it does not eliminate any real problems but when my risk of miscarriage falls by a huge percentage, I can't help but get excited.

How It's Going

I really have nothing to complain about.  I had one really rough week where the nausea almost won.  I'm simply tired, a lot.  And I sleep.  Like, I can take a nap and still sleep 9+ hours a night.  My hubby is being a supportive trooper. I'm ready for bed nightly at 7:55 and more times than not, he'll come with me. I haven't been able to cook much thanks to the aversions and he's been great about fixing himself something.

Speaking of aversions, I really thought I'd have a lot of things I could no longer stand--true--but also find things I used to hate and all of a sudden have a liking for--false.  Some of my previously favorite things top off the NOs right now: string cheese, peanut butter, coffee.  Those make me sad.

I'm kind of hoping I'll develop a taste for beans/legumes.  I know they're good for me but the taste and texture do me in each time.


Around the end of week eight I developed some spotting issues.  No cramping and no bleeding so I felt that things were essentially fine.  But on the Saturday that led us to week 9, this had been 4 days now, I figured I should say something.  So I wrote a note to a nurse (my OB's office has this online patient portal thing) and didn't hear back until Monday--something I've now learned in standard--no one tends the patient portal on the weekends.

Anyhow, when someone finally called on Monday there was a slight panic being that I'm rh- and the need for me to get to the hospital stat.  Sigh.  So I went back to the hospital (the day of Michael Jackson's Dr's verdict...great viewing pleasure) and had to first be tested to make sure I was rh- (um, does that change?), wait for the Rhogam to be ordered and arrive and then finally another beta test to make sure my numbers were still okay.

Finally heard back from the office on Thursday morning (nothing like the waiting game) that the numbers were great, 112,000+.  Whew.

And then the spotting continued.  And the following Monday turned red.  Enough was enough.  I called in to work and then waited by the phone to call my OB's office at 8:00.  They were able to get me in at 11:30 that morning for an ultrasound.

Talk about nerve-wracking though.  The three and a half hour wait...

I picked up the hubs from work on the wait to the appointment and he did his best to distract me.  When we finally got into the room I could feel my heart beating through my chest.  The nurse doing the ultrasound found the baby right away.  And there it was, a little shape, just laying there.  I worried some more...it wasn't moving.  And all of a sudden it was, and I could see the heart flickering.  It was amazing.  Then the tears came.  What a relief.

The Dr. said the baby looked perfect.  Even measuring a little bit ahead.  The spotting is apparently my cervix being irritated.  And it's still happening.  I'm not sure if it's something that will continue to happen or if it will eventually go away.  I have my next appointment the day after Thanksgiving.  I'll be sure to ask then.  For now we're just so thankful.

Catch Up

Not mustard.  But I do love mustard.

What's new?  Still down lots 'o pounds and loving it.  I am about 180 now which still sounds yucky but considering I came down from 204, I'm perty happy with that.

Speaking of happy, we're pregnant.  And feeling pregnant.  I've been enjoying the smorgasbord of pregnancy symptoms but thankfully without actually vomiting.  Tomorrow I start my eighth week.  So still really early.  But further than I made it last time.  I'm taking that as a good sign.

I'll eventually get back to blogging, if I can keep my eyes open for long enough.  Speaking of which, nighty night.

Blogging

I can't quite seem to find the time or energy to really blog.  But I'm still here.  This weekend is my yoga retreat; I'm so looking forward to it.

I lost 2 more pounds this week.  12 more to go.
I'm using an app, My Fitness Pal, that tracks my calorie intake.  Today it told me that if everyday was like today, I'd be down to 165 by November 5.  That's 5 less than my goal weight.  Not sure if I can swing that but man, that number sounds amazing!

Happy weekend!

And Then Some

Today my post is brought to you by Haiku:

To lose weight I must
Do no plateau, that's a shame
Two point five more down.

Goal One

I met my first goal this week.  I have now lost 20 pounds.  Seems strange considering even though clothing fits way differently, I often still see my +20 pound self.

Goal two is -10 more pounds.  Final goal, for now, is -14 pounds.

Tomorrow I run my first solo 5k.  I'm worried for a couple of reasons.  I got sick last week and took the entire week off (except for walking the dogs).  AF is in town, which always makes my runs harder.  Darn hormones.  And finally, my running partner is not doing this race.  We make a good team.  She pushes me at the beginning and I push her at the end.  I want to be able to push myself the entire time.  I can do it.  I just have to.

Still Going Strong

School's back in session.  I'm swamped with life--in all good ways.  But I'm still running strong.  My friend and I ran 3 miles in 30 minutes today.  That's huge for me.  I'm down 16 pounds.  That's 64 sticks of butter.  That's two gallons of milk.  That's two balls I would bowl with.  I'm now half way to my goal.  I can do this!

Update

Just thought I'd share a quick update. I'm now 5 weeks into my workout program and I'm down 12 pounds! The weight is coming off more quickly and steadily than with The Shred program. However, I think that's actually attributed to my eating habits now. Little to no refined sugar. Why little to no? I'm not about to go all sugar nazi on anyone and refuse to eat food that's given to me (with the exception of desserts). I told my husband the other day this is the best "diet" I've ever been on. We can go out to eat and I can have what I want and I'm still losing weight. It's those darn desserts that were getting me. And, the best part, I don't even miss those sweets. I'm addicted to my fruits now. And so is the mister! Today's lunch features kiwi and peach slices and raspberries. Oh my yummy!

Need some inspiration on kicking the sugar habit?

Have a GREAT Wednesday everyone.

It's a New Dawn, A New Day

That, that right there. It IS a new day. I've come out of my hole. I have to. I have a presentation to give tomorrow and work to finish today.

Despite all the heartache and frustrations I've still been working out. Actually I worked out sans partner for over a week.

It was weigh-in Wednesday today. I've now lost 10 pounds. It's been just over a month...like a month and two days. Awesome. Twenty more to go. I can do this.

It Makes My...

heart hurt.

We've been TTC since June of 2008.

We've had one pregnancy and one subsequent miscarriage.

I've had a very painful (my opinion and experience) hsg.

The mister had his semen analyzed.

Guess what?

We're normal. Everything is "normal". Oh, except for the fact we can't seem to get pregnant.

I was told today by the nurse relaying messages from my OBGYN, that my next step is to go see a fertility specialist--that we can't afford and that my insurance doesn't cover. But that they, "Have a free seminar every so often."

Yes, thanks, a free SEMINAR will definitely help.

When asked about the option of possibly clomid or something along those lines, "No, that's not a possibility. You'll have to see the specialist."

I'm almost 33, we've been ttc for 3 years and now I need to start from square one and hope a seminar will do the trick. How can there be no other options? Because I've gotten pregnant once it's assumed I always ovulate? How do they know?

Awesome, except it's not and my heart hurts today and I feel like I want to crawl in a hole and never come out.

Unplanned Visit to the ER

Today started out like any day. Up at 5:30 to workout with E. Home by 6:45 to make the mister his coffee and pack his lunch. Breakfast for me-two scrambled eggs covered in El Yucateco, a slice of Food For Life 7 Sprouted Grains bread with roasted pecan almond nut butter, and a cup of coffee. Then shower, to school to retrieve two files from my work computer-for my Masters' portfolio that was due at 4:30 today-, to the Teacher's Store, and finally to Office Max where I needed to buy sheet protectors for that same Masters' work.

And that's where it started. I figured I had looked at the light outside too directly. You know how you get those spots on your eyes after looking at the sun or something bright? It was kind of like that...well...except it was on both eyes. And it was in motion.

I paid for my items and made my way to my car--blinking repeatedly. Am I just being silly? Is this just a sun spot?

I drove towards the direction to go home when I realized this spottiness in my eyes was getting worse-more all-encompassing. I flipped through a parking lot and headed to the mister's work (which happened to be about a mile away, thank goodness).

These were not just sun spots. These were clear-ish. Like puddles on my eyes. Dancing puddles. Dancing puddles that refracted around the edges of this shape, on both eyes, open and shut.

And it seemed as if they were growing. I couldn't see clearly. Signs were blurred, cars were blurred. I shouldn't have been driving.

When I got inside the building the mister was working on I didn't really know what to say. "Something's not right." That's the first thing that came out. As I explained to him what was going on, in between my tears, he tore off his tool belt and told the two guys he was working with that he had to go.

We made it to the Emergency Room a little after 11. After explaining to the admissions nurse what was happening I was taken for a blood pressure check by a very snotty 'nurse' or whatever. She made me feel even worse for being there. I was in the ER, I wasn't having an emergency, just a very scary situation for me. I had to explain the story again and after each question I seemed to exhaust her with my answers. And by this time, the spot was gone from my right eye and only in the corner of my left eye. Great. I'm wasting precious time for other people.

Thank goodness for the first nurse in my room, Jen. She was as sweet as could be, concerned, and funny--that helped. I explained what happened for a third time, with the caveat, "I know this is going to sound crazy," but she assured me it wasn't and said she had seen what I saw--it had happened to her before.

The PA came in next with her laptop full of questions, to which I explained the story a fourth time. She checked my ears, throat, and eyes. She dilated each eye separately, made me squeeze her fingers, and made me follow her finger around with my eyes and then my finger.

She gave me the same diagnosis as Nurse Jen.

Next came the doctor. She did all the same grab-the-fingers-dilate-the-eyes things that the PA did. She even shared that I have really good eyes, great nerves. Thankfully she'd heard the story and around 3:00 basically said it was most likely an "Ocular Migraine" (which I found out later is actually called an Ophthalmic Migraine).

But I had no headache. I had no pain whatsoever.

An ocular migraine doesn't work like a regular migraine. I did some reading up on them tonight and found one very helpful site.

Basically, "Ophthalmic (eye) migraines are quite common and often painless, although the solo term "migraine" usually brings to mind a severe type of headache.But with eye-related migraines, visual disturbances with or without headache pain also can accompany migraine processes thought to be related to changes in blood flow in the brain."

And this is how the author Marilyn Haddrill described it, "People with ocular migraines can have a variety of visual symptoms. Typically you will see a small, enlarging blind spot (scotoma) in your central vision with bright, flickering lights (scintillations) or a shimmering zig-zag line (metamorphopsia) inside the blind spot. The blind spot usually enlarges and may move across your field of vision. This entire migraine phenomenon may end in only a few minutes, but usually lasts as long as about 20-30 minutes."

Exactly.

I thought about what might have caused this...ahem, Aunt Flo (hormone changes)...but it could have easily been triggered by the fact I sat at the computer for at least 10 hours yesterday working on my portfolio.

I'm so thankful it was harmless. I feel very lucky to be healthy. It was very scary to lose my vision. My head swirled with what could happen if this was something permanent. I feel lucky and blessed. I'm glad to be home.

Did I Mention...

That I've now lost seven pounds.

In two weeks.

That rocks.

I've seen two more cranes.

One more possibly today-but I couldn't tell for sure, so I'm not counting it.

My running buddy is on vacation but I got up anyway and ran by myself.

Dear 'ol Aunt Flo arrived today and this was the first time I haven't cried about it in months, years.

Seven pounds. That means 23 more to go.

Impulse Buying

This typically isn't a problem for me. After working in retail and learning about product placement and the like, I'm usually able to walk right past all those little goodies.

Today was not that kind of day.

I started out wanting to replace this:

It may look ripe, but don't let it fool you!

On Sunday I did my usual grocery shopping and on the list was avocado. However, all the avocados in the bin were nowhere near ripe so I purchased one anyway and pushed turkey tacos to Wednesday.

On Tuesday afternoon that darn avocado hadn't even budged. Still green and rock hard. I shoved it in a brown paper bag in the hopes it would help it along.

Wednesday morning I opened that bag excited to find a ripe avocado. Not.

I headed to the farm market store only to find a bin of very green avocados. I decided I'd try the original store I bought the un-ripening avocado from--nope. Then off to another store in town (across the street). I finally found this:

So what am I talking about, impulse buying...I went for one ripe avocado and came home with this:

17 Days In

We've now weighed in three times. FIrst week was the initial weigh in. Last week I was bummed when E lost 5 pounds and I only lost about 2 1/2. Don't get me wrong, I know that it's "healthy" to lose one pound a week and that losing 2 1/2 pounds is great! So I kept my chin up knowing I'm doing great things for my body, such as:

Lots of fiber
No refined sugar
No eating 2 hours before bed time
Lots of water
And generally making smart decisions

This week...I'm now down 7 pounds overall! So 4 1/2 this week. Woo Woo!

I also like to think of it this way--only 23 pounds until my goal!

If I follow the pound per week guideline from here on out, that's only 5 1/2 months until the goal. If I lose two per week, that's about three months. I think I'm getting ahead of myself. But I'm keeping it up!

A Joke

I do not claim this one as my own...however, I have changed some of the words along the way.

It's sad that even though I've heard the joke several times, have written it out, and even shared it with other, I still laugh. I'm not a good in-person joke teller.

There are three women sitting in a sauna. Two of them are in their early 20s and the other one, well, let's just say she's been a member of AARP longer than she'd like to admit.

Anyway, they're all just sitting there relaxing when there's this, "beep beep beep" sound. The one 20 year old says as she grabs hold of her forearm, "Oh, I'm so sorry, please excuse me, that's my beeper. I had that new microchip installed in my arm for my beeper, it's so convenient."

The other 20 year old smiled and agreed, "Absolutely." While the older woman just stared wide eyed and smiled.

A short while later there was a ringing. The other 20 year old held the palm of her hand up to her ear and started talking! When she was done she also explained about having the microchip embedded, but in her hand, and how much she loved it.

The younger girl with the beeper responded, "Oh, you're so lucky. I'm hoping to upgrade to that one soon!"

Meanwhile, the older lady's mind is just swirling, "How did I lose touch so quickly? I haven't even heard of these things."

Being slightly embarrassed the older woman excused herself to go to the bathroom and returned a short time later. The two 20 year olds' eyes bulged, they exchanged glances...the old woman had toilet paper stuck between her cheeks running down to the floor.

"Do we tell her?", one whispered to the other.

"Um, ma-am, I'm so sorry but you have something stuck to you."

"Oh goodness!", the older lady replied. "Looks like I'm getting a fax."

Five Question Friday-July 29

Welcome back to the 5QF series courtesy of Mama M at My Little Life.

1. Vow renewal ceremonies - yay or nay?

I say yay. But it would have to be after something monumental-many years together or maybe even after some relationship troubles and you're both wanting to reaffirm your commitment.

2. What sound/s annoy you the most?

When people SNAP their gum. Oh you know what I'm talking about. Not the normal "pop" here and there. But that *snap* *snap* *snap* *snap* *snap*....Oh my word, you're rude.

There's a woman who chews gum in my yoga class. Seriously? Of all places to be chewing on gum...yoga?!?!

3. If you had to pick, would you have only all boys, or only all girls for kids?

Well, again I'd be happy either way but I suppose I'd like both parties to be represented.

4. Do you believe in alternative medicine?

Sho nuff. I believe in alternate ways of healing and treating things. I'm not a big medicine person so whatever I can do, I'm usually willing to try.

5. Would you take a family members children and raise them if they needed it?

Yup. I was recently telling someone else about our situation. We could very well be needing to take care of a little guy related to us. We've already discussed it and are prepared if it needs to happen.

Now it's your turn. Copy and paste the questions, answer them all, and link up with Mama M.

In Which I Talk About Numbers

E and I ran to and through on of our local parks today. On the other side of the park is a trail that leads back to town, but along the river on a small dirt trail.

(Photo Courtesy of Google Images)

(Photo Courtesy of Google Images)

(Photo Courtesy of Google Images)

Not too shabby on the eye. This last photo is actually the other side of the trail, if you walk under the bridge, to where the hubs and I were married. Quaint.

Before we headed out this morning we hopped on the scale. I'm down 2 1/2 pounds. Not really as drastic as I thought it may have been...but there seemed to be some scale error. The first

time I got on the scale it told me I was down eight pounds (E too). Then we moved the scale to a more level part of the sidewalk, then I was down 4. We finally propped it up on her porch where I was down 2 1/2.

So I suppose if there was a lot of error, next week might be really good.

After our run then hike through the trail we headed over to the island for a moment.

(Photo Courtesy of Google Images)

Also very quaint and beautiful. Off to the right side of the bridge all the ducks and geese were preening on the water's edge, getting ready for their day. On the other side of the bridge,

I found my number 12.

Progress

Well, I'm now officially a week and a day into my new routine. How's it going? Great! Better than expected actually. Although, we're weighing in tomorrow so we'll see. I typically either stay the same or even gain for the first couple of weeks but this time, I've done things differently so I have more hope.

So, what's different?

1. No refined sugar added to anything. And really, so far I haven't eaten much that even is made with it. I've eaten one slice of whole wheat bread, taken one bite of cinnamon bread, oh-and there was that half a donut (there's a whole guilted-into-eating-it story that I should share here). But that's about it. A DRASTIC reduction from what I used to be eating.
2. More fruits and vegetables. I'm eating fruits and veggies all the time.
3. Raw, not processed. I've really veered us away from pre-prepared foods. This also means no preservatives.
4. Lots of water.
5. No eating after 7:00 pm.
6. Think about what I'm putting in my mouth-energy giver or taker?
7. No guilt. If I really want something, have it. This alone I think has been a game changer. It's not NO, it's sure go ahead, but will it make your body feel good?

I had a thought yesterday. What if I went all "Biggest Loser" style and worked out a couple of times a day until I went back to school? It would help me take off extra pounds a bit quicker and then I could work on maintaining. Even though I don't look like it-my body could easily lose 30 pounds and I'd still be considered overweight, I'm sure. I'm tinkering with the idea...

Happy Tuesday!

One More

One more makes eleven. I went to see the hubs at an outdoor gig last night. I happened to look up into the sky to see one crane/heron flying overhead.

At this rate, I'll collect all 1,000 in 3-4 years. (o;

5QF-July 22

Going for round two of Five Question Friday, courtesy of Mama M at My Little Life

Care to join? Copy and paste the questions and link up.

1. If your husband had the BIG V and you got pregnant what would your first reaction be? For the dudes, what would your first reaction be if your wife told you she was pregnant after the Big V?

This one is difficult to answer but I would probably guess I'd be ecstatic. I'm sure it would be meant to be.

2. Best memory about this summer so far.

Spending quality time with my mom and aunt in New York. Very lucky.

3. How often do you change your sheets? Your kids sheets?

Once to twice a week. I'm sure it's supposed to be more often than that, and sometimes it is. We use a very scientific method for deciding when the sheets need to be changed. We examine them to see if they still look clean.

4. Having just gone through TSA, would you rather have a full-body scan or a pat-down?

Either. I suppose it doesn't really bother me. It's not like anyone wants to really look at this on a scan.

5. Since it is fair time...what's your favorite fair (county or state) memory?

I'm not a big fair person. Growing up we always went to the Berrien County Youth Fair whose coin phrase is "The Midwest's Largest Youth Fair".

That Makes...Ten?

This morning my running buddy (E) and I decided it was time to get on the scale so we can start tracking our progress (you like that optimism?) so we didn't get started until about 6:05. We had just passed my house when I heard something flying above. A goose? A duck?

You guessed it. But it wasn't just one...there were four cranes flying together. Four. All together. I've never ever seen that many.

Then I let (E) in on my little crane secret complete with excuses of, "I know this sounds funny...I'm not sure why I think this...it's just silly."

And you know what she said? When she was pregnant, she found herself 'protected' by hawks. She'd never seen them much before she was pregnant with her first and now hasn't seen one since she gave birth to her twins.

Then she proceeded to tell me there is a crane festival that happens annually not far from here. That would definitely get me closer to 1,000.

So I'm not crazy.

But according to the math I can concretely remember, that's seven cranes. I know I've seen more but that would be a very loose estimate. Maybe I'll bump it up to ten. Ten's a good number.

Werkin' Out

It finally came back around. I went through a phase, about a month, where I couldn't get myself excited about working out or eating well. Then last week, it hit me. Enough.

I phoned a friend, literally using a life line, and made a plan:

6:00 AM Monday, Wednesday, and Friday-First Day to 5K workout

6:00 AM Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday-Extended walk or bike ride

We decided today that everyone needs a break so Sunday is our rest day.

But every day, I am making sure that what I'm putting in my mouth is good for my body. But how twisted is this? If I want a treat, I'll eat a treat. Except there will be no guilt about treats (which will be few and far between).

And with food, I'm no longer adding sugar or butter to things. This means no brown sugar in oatmeal, no butter on my broccoli...

So what have I been eating?

Oatmeal with cinnamon, a little milk, fresh raspberries, golden raisins, dates

Hard boiled eggs

2% milk cheese (although I feel I should mention, I only drink Vit D milk-IF suggestion)

Carrots

Broccoli

Sliced chicken (lunch meat-I know I know...) with a stripe of mustard rolled up

Raspberries

Blueberries

Cherries

Bananas

Peaches-well, if they ever ripen!

In the afternoon I'll drink a smoothie-Greek yogurt, any of the above fruit, honey, a splash of milk, ice)

Lots of water

Black coffee

For dinner we've had:

Baked lemon pepper Pollock, steamed broccoli, rice, and cherries for dessert

Coconut curry vegetables and chicken with brown rice

Tonight, turkey burgers with avocado, green beens, and I haven't decided on one other thing

I'll be weighing myself tomorrow morning and I'll keep up with progress on here.

When I thought today about what I really wanted to get out of all of this, I decided that not only do I want to be healthy but I'd really like to be able to go shopping and look good in the clothes I wear-maybe even wear things I've never been able to before. Vain? Maybe. But it's my life and I know it's all a part of making me happy and confident.

Now That's Funny

In school I teach my kids about homophones-two words that sound alike but have different meanings and are usually spelled differently. We talk about noticing the spellings and also using the context clues around the word to help decipher the meaning. We also study homonyms-words that are spelled alike and sound alike but have different meanings. These eight and nine year olds quite get it.

I thought most adults did too. I didn't realize I needed a homonym disclaimer on my last post.

I got a comment on that theory post that baffled me at first and then sent me rolling with laughter, imagining the sight. (Although, it's very possibly spam...)

Now picture this, me talking about the symbolism of seeing these:

(Courtesy of Google Images)

Yep these, flying by me on the highway. Swimming in the river near the ducks.

Really?

So to the 'person' who sent me this comment,

This is a very helpful post, i hope this really helps me to complete my project. There are many different varieties of cranes on the market today, both in terms of size and type. Each type and size serves a different function. In essence, a crane is a machine, which lifts materials up and down as well as horizontally. They are most often used in the construction, manufacturing and transport industries.

I would just like to clarify that I meant these:

(Courtesy of Google Images)

I Have a Theory

I have a theory. It's quite strange and based solely on this idea in my mind. You know how you sometimes don't notice things, even though they're right there? And then someone points it out and all of a sudden it's everywhere? Recently we thought about getting a new car. I saw a Kia I thought was really neat and then, all of a sudden, they were everywhere. (side note, no new car, same 'ol little zippy car I love).

When my brother and sister-in-law (B & Y) got married they had a lot of cranes to symbolize making a wish come true. This is according to Wikipedia: "An ancient Japanese legend promises that anyone who folds a thousand origami cranes will be granted a wish by a crane, such as long life or recovery from illness or injury. The crane in Japan is one of the mystical or holy creatures (others include the dragon and the tortoise), and is said to live for a thousand years. In Japan, it is commonly said that folding 1000 paper origami cranes makes a person's wish come true. This makes them popular gifts for special friends and family." (She is Japanese)

B & Y had one of those amazing thousand crane things hanging at the reception. Since then, I've become hyper aware of them. So much so that I feel they symbolize good luck, or *hope*, for me.

I'm quite sure, too, that before their wedding, there were not a lot of cranes, or heron, flying around our area. I remember seeing one as a child, standing in a ditch near an intersection, and hearing my parents make a big deal out of it.

So when I started seeing them more frequently, I took it as a sign. A good luck sign for our family. Even more powerful for me was the fact that I didn't start noticing them until we really decided to start our family. This was two years after B & Y's marriage...

So let's fast forward a bit and add in another quick tidbit-I hope I don't confuse. I see these cranes every so often; usually they are flying across an interstate as I drive. They give me hope. For the Fourth of July weekend we went to the hubs' buddy's cabin. While we were pontoon-ing down a river we had two cranes fly right in front of us. They were still a distance away but the closest I had actually come to them.

They are beautiful and graceful creatures. Quite stunning to watch. They gave me butterflies as I was in the midst of the two week wait.

This past week I was working at a local university teaching at a writing camp. One of our activities is to go feed the ducks along the river (sounds strange, but you get some great duck stories!). Just as I was tucking the bread wrapper back in my bag I noticed something that seemed out of place. There in front of me, about 20 feet was a crane. Never before had I seen one this closely.

I quickly and carefully grabbed my camera and slowly walked nearer to snap a shot. I looked down to turn the camera on, and in that instant, it flew further away.
The only thing I could think was it was telling me we were close, so close, but not yet.
When I got home that night, I learned that we were not pregnant. I did a little begging and pleading but in the end, I knew.

But I really think there's something to this whole crane theory for me. It's probably just a bunch of malarky to anyone else. But I may be secretly starting my own collection. If you see one around, think of me-I bet it counts too.
One down, nine hundred ninety nine to go.

Little Heartbreaks

Thought for sure, for suuuure, I was pregnant this cycle. Sigh. Three years, 2 months, but who's counting?

Went to buy some baby things for a friend who just became a first time mom. I cried in the store. I stared at a rack of clothing until it went away. I had an awful thought, "What if I never get to buy things for our baby?".

See, these are things you just aren't prepared for. When you're young you dream about what life will be like in 10 years. I remember my senior year of high school saying I'd be married with at least two kids by the time I was 28. Well, at least I was close to the whole marriage thing at 28.

And every cycle when I think things will get easier, they seem to get harder. And while my husband doesn't quite seem to understand the heartbreak I feel every month, I know it's hard on him too.

Nothing really prepares you for this.

And then I remembered. I was being a schmuck. Feeling like I had nothing to be thankful for. Seriously? You brat.

*husband

*loving and supportive family

*a home

*wonderful dogs

*friends

*health

*car

*clothing

*food

*ability to walk

*use of all limbs actually

*not taking medications

*generally good disposition

So what on earth am I crabbing about? A baby isn't owed to me. I need to stop being so short-sighted and look at the big picture.

I know things will work out. I have hope for a family. But I know I have many things to be thankful for.

Monday

It's gotten to that point again. Where things have gotten out of control. When summertime hits I find I have the best of intentions. And you know where that paves a road to.

So I hitched up my britches and called a friend, two doors down, and we made a plan. Starting this Monday we will meet on the street at 6:00 am (with a leeway window until 6:15) and work our butts out. It will be an every-other-day pattern.

Day A will be running. We will be doing the First Day to 5k series. I used this back in January to train for my May 5K. And while I should be able to do more now than I could then, I'm hoping to up my pace.

Day B will be flexible-walking or biking or whatever suits our fancy. But we're meeting EVERY day, at that awful hour.

I may even have an addition challenge for myself--weight lifting. Lord knows I need it!

More than that, I'm going to stop putting bad things into my body. (Eew, okay, that sounds gross). What I mean is, I'm going to eat good things. It's not like I don't have the time now to make healthy things. But, NO guilt trips just goodness.

Care to join us? I'm weighing my arse on Monday and keeping track. I'm sticking to the thought Jillian Michaels has shared on The Biggest Loser-if you're burning more than you're taking in, you should be losing. I can do that.

Five Question Friday

Thanks to Mama M over at http://fivecrookedhalos.blogspot.com/ I'm remembering that yes indeed, I do have a blog. So here's my grand return with a quick Five Question Friday.

If you'd like to play along, copy/paste the questions on to your blog and then link up with Mama M's blog.

1. If you knew your best friend's spouse was cheating on her or him, would you tell her (him)?

Yes. But I would have to have actual saw-it-myself proof. And none of this let/make him tell her...that's BS. You cheat, you lose.

2. Soda in a can or a bottle?

Neither. Not a soda gal any more. If we're traveling I do enjoy Vernor's in the fountain form. (ps, that's Ginger Ale for you non-Michiganders.

3. What do you wash first, hair or body?

Hair. I wash my bod when my conditioner is working its magic.

4. What advice would you give to any new mama?

No idea. I wish I could contribute to this question. Maybe for mama-to-bes...be thankful.

5. What is your best hangover remedy?

Again, not a situation I often find myself in but back in the day I'd say greasy food and sleep!

Happy Friday all!

The Mole Trap Part 2

A bucket? Seriously. You're going to trap a mole with a bucket?

Well, it turns out he wanted the neighbors and dog walkers to know that there was a trap UNDER the bucket and therefore labeled it. And he didn't quite understand that if someone hadn't been told there was an actual trap underneath that it looked as though the bucket was said trap.

Well, the bucket didn't seem to help trapping a mole anyway. He took it down a few days ago but yesterday actually caught himself a little yard diggin' mole. Those things are not cute. Those paddle-like paws that seem to come out of their neck. Yuck.

Let's hope our yard doesn't invite any more vermin over.

The Mole Trap Part 1

My husband...He's a funny guy. He's a hard working guy. He's a determined guy.

It's that time of year again where the moles are taking up residence in our lawn to eat the little grubby grubs that also live there. Seems like a good situation except for all those holes and mounds the moles create. One thing the hubs is insane about is the lawn. He owns three lawnmowers, and edger, and a weed wacker.

The other night the hubs came inside and told me he had set a mole trap-heads up.

The next morning I took the dog for a walk.

Out of the Loop

During my six years of teaching, I've worked really hard to stay in-the-know. I watch news clips of American Idol. I hop into conversations about Miley Cyrus and the Jonas Brothers. I even nod along when my kids tell me about their favorite tv show/movie/band.

But I had to put my foot down somewhere. And that somewhere was Justin Bieber. Not my style, not my taste, not my kind of music. But what does Justin Bieber have to do with me being out of the loop? I obviously know who he is. Well...

Each week I send home a weekly newsletter on Fridays. This helps my families stay organized and to know what's coming up the next week. However, a couple years in I noticed the newsletters weren't being read a lot so I decided to do something to get more readership. I found myself a package of Mad Gabs and scoured through them trying to find a nice easy one to start. Fast forward four years...

Well, it turns out those Mad Gabs are the hot ticket. They look forward to them each week and now I've even been told they're getting too easy. And this past week's was no exception. So when I handed the newsletter out at the end of the day and all the kids were in the hallway saying, "It's so easy." "Bieber..." "It's Justin Bieber."

To which I confidently responded, "No, it's NOT Justin Bieber."

"Yes it is."

"No it's not, read it to me."

"Never say never."

"Right, that doesn't say Justin Bieber!"

"No, Mrs. D, it's a song BY Justin Bieber!"

Sigh.

Research and Reviews

Because I am a procrastinator I had to work my little tail off this week. I had to get 15 hours of research on an Action Research project (happens to be small group work-guided reading) and then write a Literature Review on the same subject. But guess what? I turned it in today. All done. Let's hope I don't need to revise it. I really don't ever want to see it again.

I officially graduate May 21. It's reeeeeally close.

And now...I'm on vacation. It's my yoga retreat weekend. Last October we went to The Leaven Center. We were set to go back there again and there was some sort of scheduling conflict so now we're headed to a new place, one of which I don't remember the name. I'm so looking forward to it though, it's a good, good time.

I'll be blogging more. I'm sure of it. I think.

Ha.

A Short Story, in Pictures

This is me...procrastinating. I have three hours of research left and a Literature Review to write...before Thursday. And here I sit, frustrated about it all. So I thought I'd let you know what that all looks like.

Be forewarned, I'm a dork.

And someone's going to give ME a Master's Degree! Watch out. Hide ya kids, hide ya wife, and hide ya husbands!

MLK Day

What did I do with my MLK day...or Records Day as my district announces it? I slept until 8:20 and that was nice. Once up I did my 6 Week 6 Pack and then decided it was best to do my 5k training right then. So I took to the frigid streets (24 degrees with a windchill that made it feel like 10) for training day three. One major problem of running outside, in Michigan, in winter was the snow-covered roads. Shortly after my warm up walk began I realized this wasn't going to be easy. It was literally like walking/running on sand. So today was snow-resistance training.

I found one block in our neighborhood that was fairly clear and ended up doing circles after a while. Even without the extra resistance, today was tough. I'm chalking it up to the cold temperatures...and the little icicles that formed on my lashes from the cold, which made my eyes water like mad.

Last week at school we read another book about Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr, had the opportunity to watch some great interviews with Rosa Parks, watch Dr. MLK, Jr's I Have A Dream Speech, and then followed it up with an art project.

A few years ago I drew a picture of Dr. MLK Jr and wrote, "I have a dream..." across it. The kids traced their hand and wrote one dream they had for the future. Most of them came up with great ideas! But of course there was one, "A million dollars," and one even more bizarre, "To play every winter sport,". Sigh.

Today I came across a quote that was Tweeted and ReTweeted on Twitter that I'm quite a fan of. If there is school tomorrow ("Ice Day, Ice Day, Ice Day") I'm going to put it up for the kids to think about: "I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear." -MLK, Jr. "

And that's all she wrote, folks.

Waiting

It's Saturday, a snowy Saturday. The hubs and I made our way to a local shoe store for their Sidewalk Sale--a momentous event. After trying on what seemed like 15 pairs of shoes...oh wait, it felt like 15 because it was!--I finally settled on a new pair of Sauconys at a very reasonable price. They were $45 dollars off their normal price, the price they will be again on Monday. Thanks to a Visa giftcard for Christmas I spent nothing out-of-pocket. One of the perks of this store is their 30 guarantee. You can wear them inside and out and if they don't work for you, you can take them back for an exchange.

I had my eyes on a very cute pink and paisley (on the tongue) pair of Sauconys but they did not fit me. The ankle was too high and the arch the same. I was this close to sacrificing comfort for looks. Instead, I purchased what I consider to be a very unattractive pair. Ho hum. They have a white mesh thing on top that almost made me say no. But they're comfy and very light.

Now on to the waiting. I'm waiting for all of this hard work to start showing itself. Granted, my pants a fitting less snugly but there is nothing drastic. I should probably take some time this evening to reread my own blog posts from last year at this time, I know I should be more grateful but gosh, I'm working my tail off to stay pudgy!

I've now completed 15 days of Jillian Michael's Six Week Six Pack, still going strong with my Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday yoga, and have only just begun my 5k training with Podrunner-successfully completed 2 days.

But when will it start paying off? Last year I just had so much excess fat that it took forever to turn to muscle and begin to tone. I'm 20+ pounds lighter and smaller but it doesn't look like I've done a darn thing.

I know there is a big phase of frustration but I don't like it. I am, of course, going to keep going. But I just wish I had more--or less!--to show for my work. Stupid thighs and still pudgy belly, c'mon!

I'm done complaining now. I should be thankful I'm able to do all of this and I am doing it. I know it's only a matter of time before things catch up. Persistence.

5K

And so it begins. I met at our local high school with a coworker and did my first, full-length, run with Podrunner. And I made it-I didn't collapse, I didn't die, and I feel great. Because of my Master's schedule I will be on my own on Mondays to do the run but we'll run together on Wednesdays and Fridays. I'm excited. She's more advanced in the running department than I am but she's willing to put up with me.

Can I just say, I love being able to touch my toes. With straight legs. With my hands flat on the floor. Thank you exercise.

That's all for now. Thanks for reading.

Gone Since November

What's changed? New chiropractor is out of network so buh-bye good chiropractor. Still not pregnant, no biggie. I started a new Jillian workout. This time I'm doing her Six Week Six Pack.

Today was day 11. I do want it to be clear, I began last year...December 31, to be exact. I don't like the New Year vibe. Anyway, the workout is rough but good. There are a few moves that I struggle with, two that I really struggle with being able to actually do (Spider and what she refers to as herkies, sp?) and one that really pushes me to the max-side plank knee lifts. And it's not so much that the move is difficult, my wrists start to really hurt. And then Jillian has to go and stack the wrist moves together, ouch.

I'm still going to yoga. My Thursday night Master's class has moved to Monday for a couple of months which allows me to go to Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday yoga. I had a recent epiphany while stretching. Never before in my life has stretching felt so good. Before it's just been something I tolerate for 8 counts. Now, it feels soooo good.

I'm beginning another adventure this week. Well, I tried to start on Sunday evening and there was a snafu. Some friends from my favorite online community recommended Podcaster Intervals. If you're not familiar it's basically a podcast of a running system--a way to get you running. It starts at week one and alternates walking and running, set to music with a particular beat, to get you to a 5K (there are others, but I'm doing the 5K).

So I downloaded, what I thought was, week 1 and set to the frozen streets. When I looked down at the time it said 47 minutes, instead of the 29 I was expecting. Turns out I snagged the week one challenge instead of the basic week one. So I walked for five minutes to warm up, yogged for 10, and then cooled back down for two minutes.

Tomorrow I'm taking my workout gear to work and I might head to the middle or high school to try this run inside. My lungs were not too happy after I got back in the other night (and I won't get into all the neighbors who have NOT shoveled their walk in days), lots of coughing.

Anyhow, if it all works out I will 6W6P 6 days a week, yog on Monday, Wednesday, and Fridays, and yoga Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday. I will be fit. I refuse to be fat.

Did I tell you, I'm no longer shopping at my fat lady store? All done. There's only one shirt remaining that I can actually wear from my fatter days...and it has a tie in the back so I can make it fitted. I'm excited to see what this new workout brings me. I can already feel myself getting stronger. The 6W6P is, obviously, a 6 week program. I'm into my second week. I can do this.

I'll try to write me. It helps keep me on track too.

Happy *snow* everyone!